- Reading level: Ages 0-8
- Board book: 24 pages
- Publisher: Simon & Schuster Children's (6 Aug 2009)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 1847385907
- ISBN-13: 978-1847385901
- Product Dimensions: 18.4 x 14.8 x 1.6 cm
Report: Assessment of damaged caused by Claire Freedman's book "Aliens Love Underpants"
By Agent: Zerk Mayflower
Details: I arrived on Earth early 2008 (Earth time) after the Department of Underpants Raids received a report from fellow aliens that in children's rooms over the planet Earth, books with their pictures where appearing.
Upon landing I immediately checked out the neighbouring underpants, then proceeded to go undercover in a local human child's bedroom. I posed as one of his stuffed animals ( a truly terrifying thing human children have, local fauna stuffed and then used as a toy!) and was able to blend carefully into the bedroom environment.
I located the book and read it thoroughly from cover to cover. It was far worse then we had feared. This Claire Freedman had revealed everything. How we don't have underpants in space, our underpant radar tracking machine, and even the games we play upon discovering underpants. It was all there in vivid technicolour glory! The artist did an amazing job of capturing our likeness, so detailed and colourful. Commander Featherlight looked particularly good in Granny's spotted bloomers (see attached image).
A thought then occurred to me, considering the humans were now aware of our presence why had they yet to raise any kind of anti alien defences? Puzzled I investigated further by spending the night in the boy's room. Once he had changed into something called pyjamas (which I will detail in a separate report, these look like they could be as fantastic as underpants!) his mother entered the room. They sat down together and read the book aloud.
Oh what a wonderful thing it was to sit there listening to our story! It was funny, it rhymed, and by the end of it I was entirely entranced. The boy and his mother were laughing loudly and making silly sounds while they read. They were having fun, and seemed completely unaware that they were reading a TRUE account.
So once the family had fallen asleep, I accessed their internet to further research the book. I found it is classed as a children's book. A work of fiction. Something to be enjoyed by children and their families. It had won a heap of awards as well so that meant it was a very good book by Earth standards. To confirm this finding I infiltrated and observed three hundred homes with children that had this book. Low and behold it was the same situation, everyone thought it was make believe and funny, not a real account of a pant raid.
Conclusion: There is absolutely no threat to the Underpant Raiding Industry.
Recommendations: That we continue to monitor Claire Freedman. Her book is far too detailed for comfort and she must be getting her information either from an insider or from observation. Either way we must improve our raiding methods to ensure this Ms Freedman can not obtain any more information.